He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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