first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
