Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
