It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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