maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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