Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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