Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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