that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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