I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
