I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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