My friends, they love my intelligence
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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