dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
