I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
