He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He has the fingertips of a God
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
