Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
