I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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