im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
