you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
