I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
