i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
