There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
