Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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