omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
