she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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