Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
