Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
