Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
