So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
