the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
