she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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