Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
