We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
