thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
