Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Randomize
