I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
