I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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