I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize