i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We're too hungover to prance.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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