How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
