giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
