I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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