remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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