i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
