Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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