I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
