lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
