i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
