Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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