hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
