New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
