I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
