it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
