i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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