Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
