She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
